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instructions
Sep. 11th, 2013 09:51 pm1. Stare at yourself in the mirror for 1 hour each day. At the end of the hour address your reflection and say, "Thank you for your time."
2. When eating food alone in your apartment, lay out all your forks. Take one bite of food with one fork and promptly throw it away. When you are out of forks put on winter mittens and eat with your hands. For optimal performance, you shouldn't be wearing any other garments.
3. If a stranger approaches you in the street, smile at them warmly. Then, with a windmilling of your arm, kindly punch them in the stomach and say, "I find you attractive."
4. Take baths in hot sauce or pina colata mix. Then dry off with a 1x1 square of paper towel.
5. If you get into a crowded elevator, wait for the doors to close and scream at the top of your lungs that Bigfoot was recently in the area, probably in the elevator itself. Explain that you know this by scent alone and that you are an expert. If you are asked for proof of identification, offer the expired library card of a child.
2. When eating food alone in your apartment, lay out all your forks. Take one bite of food with one fork and promptly throw it away. When you are out of forks put on winter mittens and eat with your hands. For optimal performance, you shouldn't be wearing any other garments.
3. If a stranger approaches you in the street, smile at them warmly. Then, with a windmilling of your arm, kindly punch them in the stomach and say, "I find you attractive."
4. Take baths in hot sauce or pina colata mix. Then dry off with a 1x1 square of paper towel.
5. If you get into a crowded elevator, wait for the doors to close and scream at the top of your lungs that Bigfoot was recently in the area, probably in the elevator itself. Explain that you know this by scent alone and that you are an expert. If you are asked for proof of identification, offer the expired library card of a child.
